Swear Jar

It’s that time of year again: Lent. Last year I wrote this article, A Skeptics Lent Reflections, because I have always had an aversion to giving things up for Lent. I feel like someone out there needs to break the rules and I’ve always been happy to take that role.

Looks like this year may be an exception…

So, I was in the car with a bunch of kids and my nephew told us that he was giving up candy (My niece promptly replied she wasn’t giving up anything. My soul-sister, that girl…so proud) and Thomas piped in telling the entire car that I needed to give up swearing for Lent.

WTF?

I figured if my 10-year-old is parenting me, I may need to step it up a notch. So, I made a deal that I will put a $1 in this jar every time I say a bad word. I’m on the honor system when they are not around. At the end of lent, they can divvy up the money amongst themselves.

It’s only been a day and I’ve already had to pay $3.00.

I think the kids were being extra bad just to make me swear. D&mn them.

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Quintessential Dalai Dan

In the spirit of gratitude, brought on by the many emotional things that have occurred recently, I decided to take a moment and tell Dalai Dan what I loved about him the most:

His patience
His laughter
His naturally centered emotional state
His positive outlook
His loyalty to our family
His deep love for our children
His flexibility

I could go on…he is truly a remarkable person. How many men could deal with a wife like me that airs every thought on a international platform? And not only deals with it, loves me more for it?

Seriously, friends, I am lucky.

As the one-sided conversation came to an end, and he was quietly listening to the story of his greatness, I paused and asked him,

“So, what would you say is the part of me that you appreciate the most?”

He thought for a moment (hating to be put on the spot to express his feelings. I didn’t say he was perfect) and then said,

“You will always make me something to eat. You make dinner and make me smoothies…I like not having to worry about food.”

So, there you have it. The Dalai Lina distilled down to her basic function in this family: food management.

The bottom line, ladies, is when it comes to men, don’t underestimate the power of their stomach! They are still boys wanting to be taken care of.

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Happy Birthday To Me!

Yes, today I officially turn 40! At 9:10am, 40 years ago, in a California hospital, I entered this world butt first. (much to the uncomfort of my mother) As she got to know me over the years, she said it was apropos that I would chose to be born differently than everyone else. Baring it all from the beginning…

Here is a little photo tribute to myself. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed looking through our old photo albums.

Thank you for all of the birthday wishes and have a beautiful day!

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Women’s Liberation?

My newest obsession is Downton Abby. How did I not know this show existed until 2 weeks ago? You know my preoccupation with all things English and historical…why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been watching the old episodes from Netflix, absorbing every minute like chamois. Then, hovering over the mailbox for the next disc.

I want to be Lady Mary Crawley. Ok, it kind of sucks that she can’t inherit her father’s estate because she is a girl. But she has a personal assistant and a beautiful wardrobe.

What strikes me about this show is how far women have come in 100 years. So many amazing achievements that are due to the sacrifices of women before us.

In Downton Abby, women who do things for themselves and don’t have a staff are looked down on. However, the funny thing is, I think we may have gotten ourselves in the opposite situation! Thanks to Women’s Lib, we are not only allowed to do anything we want, we are expected to be Superwomen and do it all. WITHOUT ANY HELP. I feel like it is often “looked down on” if a women has assistance.

Nanny picking the kids up from school? Hummm…
Housecleaner? Oh, how lucky for her.
A cook to help with meals? Seems indulgent if you ask me.
Personal Assistant? And she doesn’t even have a job!

Remember, ladies, women’s liberation was a movement to ensure our equal place in society. Now we CAN chose to do anything we want, just like men. But, this does’t mean we have to do it all. And it definitely doesn’t mean we have to do all it without help.

Women should support each other and our capacities. If we want to work, great. If we want to stay home, great. If we want a nanny, great.

We have not failed our feminist foremothers if we chose to raise a family and find out that it is so damn hard we need help.

Ok, now for Master Matthew Crawley…the dishes can wait 🙂

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Foto Friday Take 2: The Reveal

I got some hilarious emails & comments from readers and friends about my Friday’s post that prompted me to take some snap shots from a different perspective.

It is easy to zoom in, filter out the noise, and see beauty in everyday objects around you. Zoom out, however, and I live in the heart of the Chaos Theory.

Let’s start with my desk, which looks like this every day. I have an organizational rhythm beneath the exterior mayhem which Dalai Dan cannot appreciate. This desk is possibly our biggest threat to our marriage, second only to his milk expiration date phobia.

My bathroom is not much better. If I know I’m going to use all of this stuff the next day, why bother?

Let move onto the animals, who try their very best to add a unique imprint on our home. Remember my favorite chair? It is right next to this mess created the same day by our bladder-challenged dog.

Moving onto our cat, who poops no less than 12 times a day. And every time she does, she digs a whole big enough to conceal a dead body, enthusiastically flinging her litter all over the floor.

Notice the towel under her litter box? It is there because she constantly underestimated the size of her butt. I can’t tell you how many times I have watched Mia squat her bum over the edge and pee all over the floor.

There is the dirty girl…

Our children are no better than the animals. Their destructive force is immeasurable. I have commiserated about it with you here.

Dalai Daniel’s lego obsession has not been thwarted. His lego men, heads, arms, and pieces are still all over the house. And in the vacuum cleaner bag. I bet there are 3 dozen severed lego hands in there.

This is a light day for the air hockey table. Only home to 3 coats, 2 pairs of socks, 1 plate with cemented quesadilla cheese, 2 granola bar wrappers, 1 backpack, 1 guitar, 1 tennis racquet, and 27 school worksheets.

I have my limits. I refuse to show you what I found INSIDE the toilet, which could be anywhere from 8 hours to 3 days old. We are still working on flushing in the Dalai household.

All-in-all, an accurate reflection of a typical Sunday mess.

I hope this makes you feel better about your stained carpet, overstuffed drawers, and out-of-control clutter. You are in good company 😉

I’m off to clean! Have a fantastic, clean day!

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Shadows

Drawing ccourtesy of Dalai Daniel, age 7

Happy Martin Luther King Day!

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Ops! Did I forget to mention I’m gone?

Greetings from Vail! It is a little icy here. Not much snow to speak of, but we are making the most of it.

The amazing bright sun was out all day, which made up for 1/3 of the mountain being closed. It was truly a beautiful day!

We all met mid way up the mountain for a high quality lunch consisting of butter noodles, chips and Gatorade. (the entire family needs to go into carb rehab)

I took a lesson with Dalai Daniel (age 7) and my niece (age 8) and they constantly had to wait for me. It was ridiculous.

After accidentally tripping Dalai D twice (once causing the lift to shut down), he frustratedly yelled “See, that’s why I didn’t want you in my lesson!”

Whatever, Dalai D. I may suck at skiing, but I looked good. Not everyone can have a hot mom like this…

Have a great week and I’ll be back in force next week! I love you guys!

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25 Things I Learned About My Family Over Dinner

How quickly dinner at the Dalai household can deteriorate…

1.  If we could time travel, Dalai Dan would want to go into the future 200 years.

2. Thomas would want to go back to the 1600s.

3. Pissy Missy is dying to go a whole year into the future.

4. Dalai Lina would rather lose a leg than an arm.

5. The rest cheated and opted for pinkie toes. Max a shaft of hair.

6. If they could do any job, Max would want to be an NFL quarterback.

7. Thomas a scientist.

8. Annabelle wants to work at a donut shop.

9. If she had to marry someone to save the world, Annabelle would pick Addison.

10. Dalai Daniel would marry his chair or let the world explode.

11. If she could live any city, Annabelle choose South Carolina (although she has never been there).

12. If we could re-live any vacation, Dalai D would go back to Mexico.

13. I would go to France.

14. If we had to pick any skin color that doesn’t already exist, Dalai T and Dalai Dad would pick light blue. Max wants red, Annabelle yellow, Daniel orange and me, purple.

15. All the kids opted for a viral video of themselves picking and eating their buggers over going to school naked.

16. Surprisingly, Max would rather drink Thomas’s pee over our dog’s poo.

17. Annabelle would choose our cat’s poo over our dogs. (So would I)

18. There were various poo/pee combinations, and 90% of the time, pee won.

19. Thomas would rather have an epic fart in front of the President over peeing in his pants.

20. All were unanimous that they would rather have uncuttable, shoulder length ear hair over nose hair.

21. The boys chose losing their outer ears over having no nose and looking like Voldemort.

22. Dalai Dan would rather have hair down to his butt over being bald.

23. Pissy Missy would rather lose her teeth over having a big, pointy nose like her mom.

24. I told her I would start praying for her to have a big pointy nose.

25. Finally, when asked what other parent would have an inappropriate conversation like this one with their kids, without hesitation they all yelled “Mr. Bolin!”

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What Does the Date on Milk Mean?

I should have titled this, “What May Send the Dalai’s to Divorce Court.”

Dalai Dan is scared of expiration dates. Little girl in a Halloween haunted house scared. If our milk is even approaching the date, he goes and opens a new bottle.

This, my friends, does not please the Dalai. In fact, it has caused many a’morning argument when he goes to pull the newest bottle of milk out for himself because his precious olfactory senses can’t handle anything but milk straight from the utter.

I have tried and tried again to explain to him these dairy facts:

• All dairy dates are “sell by” dates
• “Sell By” dates are to help retailers rotate their stock, NOT to tell us when to throw it out
• Generally speaking, milk and yogurt are good 5-7 (and up to 10!) days after the “sell by” date
• Cream cheese is good for 2-4 weeks past the date if it is unopened
• Hard cheeses, unopened, can last up to 6 months!
• If a hard cheese has some mold, the only effected part is the molded area, so it is perfectly safe to cut it off. Really.

So, the next time you go to throw out a container of milk or yogurt, do the sniff test. If it smells fine, then it is fine. That is really the only way to identify sour milk. But, even if the milk started to turn and you drank it (let’s say, you put chocolate in it and didn’t notice?) you wouldn’t die. You’ll be just fine.

Trust me, Dalai Dan, you’ll be just fine…

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Double Take

Dalai Max has his first dance tonight. I didn’t think much of it until he asked me to wash his best khakis and white shirt. And to please wake him up early in the morning to shower so he could smell better and have nicer hair. WTF, I’m too young for this.

So, let’s talk about the baby, who makes me feel youthful and like I still have a functioning uterus.

Awww, there she is…

Or is it?

I never thought I would be pregnant while still feeding a three-month old. I never thought it could possibly be a girl. And I sure as hell didn’t think I would give birth to my mother-in-law.

It would be creepy if she (my mother-in-law) wasn’t such a good-looking lady. Pissy Missy has some good genetics going for her.

I have their pictures next to each other up our staircase. Even though I have passed them a thousand times, I still will stop in wonder at the mystery of genetics.

Annabelle, baby, you are going to look great when you are 65! (and I’m 98. Heavens to Betsy)

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