My daughter, Annabelle, and I had just settled down for some good book reading on my bed when I barely noticed our dog, Ruby, barking.
[Ruby is a 100-pound Newfoundland whose favorite pastime is sleeping. We actually got Ruby for that specific attribute: Newfoundland’s low energy level. That and their average life expectancy of 8 years. If Dalai Mommy had made a grave mistake by letting the kids get a dog, I didn’t want to be taunted by it for 2 decades.]
So, Ruby was barking and I subconsciously attributed her exuberant mood to my kids playing with her. I eventually sensed her migrating upstairs and felt annoyed that her enthusiasm was coming my way.
Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of brown fluff, followed by Ruby, who had cornered the fluff behind my bedroom curtains, right next to where Annabelle and I were laying.
Not knowing what the hell was trapped and fearing an imminent bloody slaying, or worse, the brown thing leaping onto my bed and eating out my eyeballs, I freaked. Instinctively, I jumped up, ran down the hall screaming, and shut myself in the next room.
Only then did I realize I abandoned my daughter.
As a matter of fact, it didn’t even occur to me to save her from the wild animal. And, when I finally came to my senses and realized my terrified 4-year-old was hysterically crying on my bed, I still was unable to do anything about it. I left her to fend for herself until her dad got there.
This got me thinking about my own maternal instincts. I always fancied myself as the kind of mom that would, ehm, die for their child. Save them from a burning building. Protect them from gang crossfire with my own body. Beat a rabid rottweiler off them with my bare hands.
Was I wrong? Did something dreadful happen to the mother instinct gene expression of long arm X chromosome? Maybe I was genetically predisposed to exhibit these narcissistic survival skills. I probably come from a long line of Darwinian survivors that knew how to save their own arses first. Heck, I hope I passed this little gene mutation down to my kids since it will be hard for me to help them in a tornado when I’m taking up the whole bathtub. “Sorry, kids, I got here first. Find your own shelter.”
So, what happened to the squirrel wild animal? After 20 minutes of chasing it around with buckets, bags and food tongs, Dalai Dan finally managed to knock it out of the window.
I have never laughed so hard in my life.
only you would have a story like this! hilarious.
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